Nothing Is Wrong. REALLY.

So, what really gets to me and pisses me off is when people ask "Are you okay?" or "What's wrong?" CONSTANTLY. And when I do answer "Nothing," or "I'm okay," they don't believe me, and that brings me to my boiling point and I explode with anger (at least inside my head). If I said nothing was wrong, nothing really IS wrong or I don't want to talk about it right now. I always talk about it eventually, but when I'm angry, I can't talk calmly about it at that time.

My girlfriend does that to me ALL THE TIME and I really cannot stand it. That's probably the one thing she does that really pisses me off. She ALWAYS thinks something is wrong or that I'm hiding something. She is paranoid a lot of the time. I love her to death, don't get me wrong, but when I'm upset or angry or something, I can't talk about things right then and there. I need to cool off first and chill out and then I can calmly talk about what was bothering me. My girlfriend is the type of person that gets right in your face and won't leave you alone until you explode with anger from being so annoyed by it or unless you just tell her what's wrong. If I tell her what's bothering me in an angry tone or something, she'll wonder why I'm so angry and being able to tell her isn't good enough. It's like, people tell you to count to 10 and walk away to go cool off when you're angry, but she NEVER gives me that chance. She won't let me cool off. She automatically gets right in my face.

That's really the only reason we fight nowadays. We don't fight often, but when we fight,  it's very intense and angry- at least on my part. I am not really an angry person and I really don't become this angry with anyone else, besides maybe my brother and my father, because they both don't listen well, which is actually the main cause of my girlfriend and I fighting. It's like she HEARS me but she isn't LISTENING to what I'm saying when I tell her "I need to go cool off," or "I really can't talk about this right now."

All in all, I'm writing this because my girlfriend and I just got done fighting, and I was very very blunt to her about what I just wrote about. So hopefully this won't  happen again. HOPEFULLY.

A Two Year Old That Smokes?!

This poor two year old's name is Ardi Rizal, who is from Indonesia. He is like any normal two year old....except for the fact that he smokes TWO packs of premium brand cigarettes A DAY. His father, Mohammad Rizal, gave him his first cigarette when he was 18 MONTHS old! Mohammad Rizal said “He looks pretty healthy to me. I don’t see the problem,” when he was asked about his son's smoking habits.
The government has even offered to give the family a CAR if they can get Ardi to stop smoking, but his parents are not concerned with Ardi's smoking habits. (Source)

This is so unacceptable to me, and I'm sure to any DECENT parent! A poor two year old smoking, not just one cigarette, and not even just one pack, but TWO packs a day! The kid is going to die from smoking complications by the time he is 30 years old at this rate! How could a parent not step in and tell their two year old to not smoke? How could a parent even OFFER their TWO year old son a cigarette?!

Most two year old's who got a hold of cigarettes wouldn't even know what to do with them. In the video, Ardi is just smoking away, not choking on the smoke or even struggling, trying to figure out the correct way to hold the cigarette. I've smoked as much as this kid does in a day, my whole lifetime and that's pretty sad!

The kid can't even say 'No daddy, I don't want to smoke anymore. It's not good for me,' because he's TWO YEARS OLD!! He doesn't know any better! How the hell could a parent put their child in this kind of danger?! This is where social services should come grab the kid, at least here in the United States (I'm not sure how social services works in Indonesia, or even if there IS a social services in Indonesia for that matter), because this kind of a slap in the face to everyone, by indirectly saying 'Hey look, I don't care about my kid or his health, because I am intentionally giving him cigarettes which will cause him to have cancer and maybe other complications later on during his life!'

Parents like Ardi's just disgust me.

Overweight Does NOT Always = Lazy & Ugly.

"Oh my god, look at her; she is so ugly!"
"Why do you think that? She's got beautiful blue eyes and long, soft blonde hair. What's so ugly about that?"
"Look at how big she is!"
"Um, so she's a little overweight? She isn't UGLY."

Sure, some people may not consider overweight beautiful, but I'm talking hair, facial features, nails, skin, and teeth. They may not have a nice body, but they have very pretty faces and take good care of themselves. I mean, how many of you have seen an ugly skinny person? I know I have. They may have society's definition of a good body, but maybe they have greasy hair and acne all over their face.

How about people that think all overweight people are just lazy? Yes, some of them really are lazy and don't care about themselves and I know that. But how about those overweight people that are overweight because of a medical issue or just have those overweight genes running through their bodies? No matter how hard they exercise or no matter what they eat, they either stay the same or keep gaining weight. Not all overweight people are fat because they just sit on their ass all day and eat everything in sight.

For example, I'm overweight- but I take good care of myself (besides my bad habit of biting my nails). I don't consider myself "ugly" but I know that I'm not the prettiest girl around. I also have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) which has caused me to gain over 100 pounds in the past. On top of that, many people in my family are overweight. They always were. People in my family have never been "skinny." My highest weight was 251.8 lbs and I am currently 228.2 lbs. I eat very healthy, no more than 1500 calories a day, and I exercise most days of the week. Yet, I seem to be stuck at my current weight. I cannot tell you how many times people have taken one look at me and have assumed I'm just some overweight girl who has one day decided to not take care of myself and eat whatever is in sight. I hate being stereotyped like that, just because I am overweight.

Again, I am not saying all overweight people did not put themselves there, because a lot of them have by not exercising and eating right. But what I AM saying, is that the next time you look at someone who is overweight, don't jump to conclusions. Maybe they DO have a medical condition or just have overweight genes. Not every overweight person eats McDonald's every day and sits in front of the TV constantly.

New To Blogging.

I'm new to blogging, but I thought it may be a good idea for me. You know, to be completely honest, at least somewhere, to complete strangers. I've had journals before, but I was always too lazy to actually WRITE in them. I am always on the computer, so I thought maybe I'd use an online-type journal more religiously.

Basically, what I will be writing about in my blogs is just ranting about things, maybe telling you how great of a day I had and what I've done, getting things off my chest, maybe even writing about my past just to let it out, so I don't keep it all locked up inside of myself. I have a very dark past. Things have gotten much better for me for the most part, yes, but sometimes the things I have gone through still come up and bother me, and when that happens, I usually feel trapped. I don't want to feel trapped anymore.

You don't have to read me. I'm not here to please others with stories and all that, though I don't mind feedback on this, or my future posts. I don't want to be judged on the past mistakes I've made and what has happened to me. But then again, this is an ONLINE blog, so it is very likely I will be judged. I realize that. But I am making this blog for ME and no one else. This is my life, don't you forget :)